Day 10 - Friday

It is the Friday before spring break. How could it not be a good day? My wife sent the kids to play with Grandpa for the day so she could clean the house. While they were gone, we met for lunch. I'll write more when Day 11 rolls around after the break!

Day 9 - Thursday

I had one of those moments today where I knew I should keep a straight face, but it was so doggone hard that I really had to work at it to keep from busting out in laughter. Over the last two weeks it has become apparent that my own class is going to take up the bulk of my time as an administrator. Part of that has to do with the fact that they are a squirrelly bunch. The other half of the equation has to do with the fact that they are going to test the sub as much as possible.

Right after the morning recess, I found myself walking into the office only to be greeted by two of my own students working on their math assignment. "Uhh, why are you guys up here?" I asked, although I already knew the answer.

"We were talking, so the teacher told us to do our math in the office."

"Why are you sharing a math book? If you were talking in class, you can't work together in the office."

"I can't find mine," one of the squirrels replied. Now that is an easy problem to solve. So off I marched to library to get the kid a loaner book so he could work on his math in the office. Problem solved.

Just before I handed the book over, I added one final bit of wisdom. "Finish the assignment and get back to class. If I see you in here again, I am going to call home." What I didn't tell them is what I would say when I made the phone call and apparently they were dying to know.

Fast forward to after lunch. "What are you two doing in the office again?" I inquired.

"We were talking."

As man of my word, I contacted both mothers, but before doing so, I called the teacher to verify the specific offenses, which were numerous and severe. Here's where it gets good. "I can't have you guys in the office all day. I called your parents and you are going home right now," I said to them.

Squirrel 1's mom came to get him, but Squirrel 2's mom doesn't have a car, so she couldn't leave home. "I'll drop him off," I told her. And now it gets really good. This is the part that I wanted to laugh about, but I resisted (sort of). Once he was strapped safely in the back seat and we were on the way to the Squirrel's den, I thought about what would be the most tortuous thing I could do. I glanced in the rear view mirror and saw the gangster wannabe and came up with a plan. This kid idolizes gang life and the horrific music that accompanies it.

I smirked as the plan formed and flipped on the radio to a country music station and cranked up the volume. I stopped short of singing along with it, mostly because I couldn't do it with a straight face. I have never enjoyed a drive in my car as I did this one.

Winning is nice. It feels good to win.

Day 8 - Wednesday

"Do you want to go pick up a kid and bring him in?" My principal was standing at the door to my temporary office. I glanced up and quickly agreed, not even sure what the situation was. He went on to inform me that a student had refused to get ready for school this morning and as a result had missed the bus. The parent didn't have a car, so there was no way for her to get him to school.

After my morning ritual of giving the daily announcements over the PA system, I hopped in my car to track down the troubled kid. There was no way we were going to let this little guy cheat us out of the money we collect from the state each day a child is present. When I arrived at the apartment, I was thankful not to have been invited inside. The smell of the smoke so permeated the building that my eyes began to water. You have to understand that I have never met this child or his mom before. All she knew was that I was a representative of the school and that I was taking her son with me. I was actually shocked by her willingness to send her seven-year-old boy with a complete stranger. I guess there are some who blindly trust any governmental agency.

With a big smile of victory, the boy cheerfully headed out to my car. Once he was safely strapped in, he was amazed at the moonroof. Apparently he had never seen such a thing before. Not wanting to make him think this was a fun ride, I refused to open it. Instead I lectured him on the importance of school and told him that he was going to have to make up for the time he missed this morning by giving up recess.

The whole way to school he talked happily about all the things he saw as my eyes grew watery and my lungs constricted. I was not tearing up over his unfortunate situation, rather I was reacting to the overwhelming stench of cigarette smoke that permeated his clothing and thus, my car. I knew he was in awe of my moonroof, and I wanted him to hate the ride, but, doggone it, I needed to breathe!

At the halfway point I had to give in to protect the boy's safety and mine. I warned him not to have any fun, but it had to be done. As the fresh air filled the car, I inhaled deeply and felt my eyes return to their normal state.

And so goes the life of a short term AP.

Day 7 - Tuesday

Today was a busy day in the life of an assistant principal wannabe, but instead of boring you with tales of crazy parents and wacky kids, I am going to spend my time focusing on something entirely different today. I am constantly amazed by the types of people who get hired as role models for our kids.

Tonight I was out to dinner with my family to celebrate my daughter's sixth birthday. She was in her own little world playing with her cousins and eating her burger and fries while sipping on a chocolate milk shake. For that I was thankful because she could not hear the man siting at the table next to us. My ears kept picking up on his prolific use of four-letter words as he recounted to his buddy the trials he is going through with his live-in girlfriend. Nearly every sentence contained expletives, many used to describe her. I could tell he was angry and I concluded that to call him on his horrific behavior would only make things worse, so I suffered in silence.

As he spewed out his profanity, I couldn't help but notice that he wore the uniform of a local high school baseball team. Sure enough, the conversation eventually turned to baseball and the players on the team. I couldn't believe that this man had been hired to coach high school boys and mentor them through a portion of their most impressionable years. His disgust with his shack-up honey and the words he used in a very public setting were among the most offensive things I had heard in quite some time. I was equally appalled by his buddy who sat there never once suggesting to his friend that his language might be offensive to those around him.

If this man were to tell me that he never speaks that way in front of his team, I wouldn't excuse him. The truth of his character was revealed tonight. Even if his language was nothing but perfect in the presence of teenagers, his character is flawed and those flaws will be evident in his interactions with those he is tasked to train.

It is these kind of people who influence our children. These are the men who shape our future. Until our role models can control themselves, we will continue to see new generations of ineffective and immature parents sending their children to our already struggling public schools. It's time to take a stand because when we do, students will be free to learn.

Day 6 - Monday

What could go wrong on a Monday morning? The kids all had a nice relaxing weekend away from the pressures of school and they are feeling refreshed and enthusiastic about their education. Right? Oh, yeah. There was that little incident involving fire in the bathroom from last week that didn't get resolved. Then there's the two kids who got into a fight before school even started. Oh, and who would have guessed that we'd send a student to the hospital in an ambulance this morning? Maybe I shouldn't have called those other teachers first thing this morning and offered to help offload some of their more mundane tasks in anticipation of a slow day.

There is fun in it all, however. The fun comes from catching the bad guy. You remember the little fellow who got caught with matches after school last Friday? Well it didn't take long to connect him to the infamous Cheeto Fire of 2010. The Cheeto Fire was named after the source of the flames that filled the boys' bathroom with an odd odor last week. No damage actually occurred, but after only a few minutes of interviewing guilty consciences, I learned that Match Boy had invited a friend to join him in the bathroom to experiment with a new technique for making Hot Cheetos even hotter. According to their theory, a small flame held beneath the puffed chip-like creation would make it do something new and exciting. Apparently the word "burn" never entered their realm of hypotheses.

I always feel a little better when the truly guilty let the tears flow just a bit. It's nice to see that they are scared and that they fear the consequences of their transgressions. These little guys held back the tears until the just after the sentence was pronounced, then they let them flow. As the tears started to flow, so did the names of anyone else who was within a block of the flames. One name happened to belong to the little guy who first ratted them out last week. Isn't that convenient.

The best part, though, came when I called home and the parents of one of the little pyrotechnicians had just one question. "Where did he get the Cheetos?" And this my friends, is what we call "A parent that makes me go hmmm." I can't wait until tomorrow!

Day 5 - Friday

An entire week has now passed and I am ready for the weekend. To call this week exhausting is an understatement. Today I learned the value of technical glitches and repeat offenders. Let’s start with the technical glitches.

A student, let’s call him Eager, was sent to “The Office” today for injuring another student on the playground. We’ll call the injured fellow, Bumpy. According to the witnesses, Eager lost his cool and pushed Bumpy into a bar. (Perhaps “pole” would be a better term for those of you wondering what kind of a school I come from.) The injury amounted to a slight bump (hence the name, Bumpy). As I always do, I pulled Eager’s discipline file up on the computer to review before acting. To my surprise, Eager’s file was empty. According to our system the child had never so much as smacked a fly on the playground. “Hmmm,” I thought to myself. “This is not the Eager I know.” As a prudent investigator, I ran this up the chain of command, only to determine that there was indeed an error.

After several e-mails around town, it was determined that the file was lost. Despite all of our best efforts to prevent this kind of a disaster, we have no digital evidence that Eager has ever been to the office. Fortunately, a hard copy remains. As for me, Monday promises to be a day full of data entry…unless I can pass it off to someone else. Not likely. Kindergarten registration starts bright and early Monday morning and all the office staff will be busy signing up the little guys.

Now on to repeat offenders. I was informed this morning that the boys bathroom smelled like matches. I walked by the open door and confirmed the report. A closer look revealed that the evidence had been removed and that only the smell remained. Given the lack of witnesses or evidence, there was little I could do to catch the perpetrator. I put the word out to listen for kids talking, but the dismissal bell rang without any response. It looked like this was going to be an unsolved mystery.

But wait, there is an after school program. And it was here that the offender struck twice. Without regard for his own personal safety or the safety of others, Smokey struck his matches in the presence of an adult and the case was solved. I have yet to speak with the child as he was sent home by the after school staff, but come Monday, as soon as I finish my stack of data entry, I’ll be on him like smoke on a fire.

Day 4 - Thursday

Did you say progress reports are due tomorrow? Since when does the assistant principal have to do progress reports? Oh, that's right. I was a teacher last week and the sub doesn't even know the kids' names yet. My plan was to work on a few progress reports a day throughout the week, but it hasn't happened that way. As a matter of fact, that is one thing you learn as a school administrator: Nothing goes according to plan.

There are roughly 850 students at my school (give or take a few depending on the position of the moon). If one out of ten got sent to "The Office" on any given day that would be 85 kids. Fortunately our school is not that bad. Five percent would be just over 40 kids per day. We still have that beat. Let's cut it down to about 2.5% of the kids getting into trouble on any given day. That would be in the neighborhood of 20 kids. Today was right about at the 2.5% mark. That doesn't mean there were 20 fights, because each fight takes a minimum of two people, but it was a busy day for "The Office."

I view student discipline from two different conflicting perspectives. On one hand, I would love to work at a school where all the kids got along and solved their own conflicts; A place were teachers and other adults were treated with respect and kids were motivated to succeed. But that would make me irrelevant in my particular role as an administrator. As a person, I need to be busy in order to feel satisfied. A busy day gives me a sense of accomplishment and value. Given my position, a busy day involves kids screwing up. From that perspective, there is a twisted sense of worth that comes after a long day of disciplining kids. As with any day in the classroom, I hope that they have learned what I have taught them them.

I try to reflect on the good parts of each day, but in the world of student discipline, that can be hard. Fortunately I have great kids at home. Tonight I watched a kindergarten student during Open House who could not recite the alphabet to her parents even as she pointed to the letters on the wall. Obviously, she struggled with the sounds of the letters as well. As I watched this episode, I thought of my own kindergarten aged daughter and absolutely delighted in the fact that she not only knows the letters and sounds, but reads entire books.

Once the kids were in bed tonight, I sat down to write about my day and noticed that there were two comments on yesterday's post. I clicked the link and read what my own son had to say about my writing: "You are so funny!" His second comment was just a reiteration of the first. "I said....You are so funny!" How can you not smile knowing that your own son is your biggest fan. I am truly blessed.

Now, time for some progress reports. Anyone want to help?